First a Baby, then a Business

My son is now one year old!  That's also the amount of time that I've been out of the workforce.  I have been calling this time my "family sabbatical".  Like the outcome of many work-related sabbaticals, I have launched a business during mine.  For whatever reason(s), when you leave the workforce, you begin to wrestle with big life questions, like "what do I really want in my career."  For me, something had to be very important to me in order to compete with time with my son.  If you can afford it, it's liberating to allocate true value of your time versus what a company tells you your worth.  I was also motivated to start a business, because I grew very tired of not having a response to the question "What do you do?"  People, men and women, minimize your worth the second you say "I stay at home with my kid(s)."

Like many others who have been out of the workforce for a while, albeit voluntarily or involuntarily, you begin to interview yourself. What are my skills? Who needs these skills?  Very quickly, you also recognize what the market says you are worth.  From there, a series of calculations are made based on your own personal skills, network, guts and insanity.  If you are like me, at the end of all the number crunching and emotional wrangling, you decide to start a business.

Three things happened to me that finally prompted me to jump in:

1.  I got jealous.
During a much needed girls weekend last Fall, my friend SHOCKED me by telling me how well ($$$) her business was doing after only four years.  Granted, she is brilliant and extremely self-motivated, but it was somewhat of an ego crusher to compare my former career salary after seven years to her entrepreneur earnings after four.  My maternal instinct was overtaken by my competitive spirit for the first time since the arrival of our son.

2.  I got bored, really bored.
This one is easy to understand.  After working for seven years and being busy since forever, it was extremely hard to face a daily to-do list of emptying the dishwasher, laundry and tv viewing.  So, I hired a cleaning lady, chucked the laundry and divorced live tv.  My neighbors rejoiced, too.  They were beginning to give me the "go away, you stalker lady" look.

3.  Opportunity came knocking.
I was fortunate to be "hunted" versus "hunting" work, thanks to my social network.  I received a contract from someone who saw my LinkedIn profile status that I had posted six months earlier.  The status said that I'd be looking for short-term engagements in February and they contacted me in January.  That was the final kick in the behind I needed to start my business.

It turns out that I'm getting used to this whole birthing thing.  First a baby, then a business.  I'd love to hear from other moms with similar experiences.

I have a dream on MLK Day

My nine year old nephew came to see us yesterday. When he was in the kitchen, I saw him looking intently at a business card on our island. It was from a realtor who showed our house to a prospective buyer. He kept looking at the card. Finally, he looked at me and asked, "Is this the President?" You see, the realtor was a young African American man wearing a suit. I told him no, but I have been smiling ever since. How remarkable to think that this young boy will grow up and not think twice about an African American being our President. He's probably at the point in school where they are teaching some history and he's been learning about the President. How wonderful that he starts off with our nation's first African American president. What a different world it will be for their generation.

One of my greatest dreams for my children is that they become compassionate, fair individuals that do not judge other by the color of their skin or the clothes they wear or the cars they drive. My dream is that they follow basic Christian principles of "love your neighbor as thyself" and "do not judge lest you be judged" and to have compassion, faith and love. Dr. King has made generations of people throughout the world dream new dreams for themselves and their children. I hope he heard my nephew yesterday.

The Year I became a Cheerleader

When I think back on the past year, it has been full of record setting emotional highs and lows. Even with my professional life at a complete standstill for most of the year, 2010 was life changing for me in a way that few other years can compete. 

As a self-proclaimed jock mom, I haven't exactly been in tune with certain emotional corners of my "feminine mystique". Don't get me wrong, I cry, okay, sob, during some romantic comedies.  I have a considerable amount of empathy for others and a strong desire to help people. While I recognize that I possess many of these so-called feminine traits, I would like to also point out that these qualities can be found in some very good men.

The point I'm trying to make is that some females are born with a fully developed female mothering gene. These girls play with dolls as toddlers, have toy kitchen sets and take home economics classes by choice in high school. Other females, like myself, preferred gender neutral toys like stuffed animals to dolls, played outside and lived for sports during high school.  That so called mothering gene laid dormant in our tomboy bodies for quite some time.

One of my strongest memories from childhood is my consistent desire to have been born a boy. In my young mind, boys had it easy. If I'd been born a boy, I would have enjoyed more acceptance playing sports, more freedom to do as I pleased, and, just as importantly, less annoyance from dealing with girly things like trying to fix my hair, applying makeup, complicated female friendships, bodily changes, fashion decisions, etc. I held a grudge against God for for several summers for not making me a boy.

Then came puberty and boyfriends and my grudge slowly faded into an unconscious acceptance and eventual happiness with my feminine existence. While I continued to avoid hair styling and makeup, I made considerable advancements in many other feminine traits which leads us back to the mothering gene.

It is my opinion that girls with the full-blown mothering gene are disproportionately attracted to the activity of cheerleading.  Even while there have been considerable male advancements, let's admit that there are few activities quite as "feminine" as cheerleading. In movies, cheerleaders are always portrayed as the prettiest and most popular girls in school that every other girl dreamed of being. Let me tell you, I NEVER wanted to be a cheerleader, ever. At the time, the thought of sitting on the sidelines and watching other people perform was about as stupid to me as standing at a bus stop with no intention of getting on. I could not see what was in it for them.

Looking at it now, those girls were a part of something even if they were on the sidelines of the main event. They were there to watch, support and cheer us on, even if they could do nothing to affect the outcome of the game. They decorated our lockers and held pep rallies. They suffered when we suffered and celebrated our victories for us. 

One of the biggest lessons I've learned since becoming a mother is the satisfaction that can come from selfless giving.  Starting with pregnancy, you turn over your body for the development of another. If he needs room to stretch his legs, you put up with going to the bathroom four times at night. When he is born, you sacrifice your sleep, sanity and cognitive ability so that he's fed when he's hungry, held when he's lonely and changed when he's dirty. As he grows, you are on constant watch for what he'll need, anticipating the diaper change, the favorite toy and desired snack. Sitting on the sidelines is no easy job! Looking in the mirror, I see pom poms, and I smile. I cheer because I mother.

To the Perseverance of Friendship

Good friends are hard to find. I thought they were also harder to keep. My BFF and I have kind of drifted apart since college. She lives in the desert of Arizona and I in the hills of Tennessee. We are married with children and careers. Before either of us realized it, four years had passed since we had last seen each other.

But, for the grace of God, she called me out of the blue and said she was coming to visit. Out of nowhere a girls weekend to Atlanta was planned. It couldn’t have been better timing for me. I desperately needed to remember who I was before I was a mommy.

The three and a half hour road trip from Nashville to Atlanta was the perfect amount of time for us to catch up. By the time we checked into the W Downtown, the four years that had separated us had faded away and I felt a bit like my old self from college. I have to admit, it was nice to connect with a friend who knew me as just “me” and not as “wife of J” or “mommy to JT”. It was just ME and that felt good. The best part of the trip was remembering how a good friend can inspire you to follow a dream, give you perspective on a current issue and make you feel more comfortable in your own skin.

As we left Atlanta, I couldn't help but wonder if we would talk more this year than last? Even as I considered the odds, I wasn’t worried. I realized that it’s not the number of phone calls we make or letters we send that keep our friendship alive. We simply need to make time for each so that we can remember who we used to be and who we would like to become. Preferably, over drinks, dinner and laughter.

Travel Details:

W Downtown - Modern, chic hotel. Cool rooms and lounges. Found a great deal on hotel website. Convenient shuttle to nearby restaurants.

Woodfire Grill - Top Chef restaurant. Enjoyed the five course tasting menu at the bar. Recommend the "Bitter End" cocktail if you are looking for a "bartender's drink".

Ode to the toes

If baby milestones could have ringtones, the 80's song "You're My Obsession" would be JT's discovery of his feet.  He has been spying his piggy toes since the first week of June.  He finally got these bad boys into his mouth recently.  He was sucking on his big toe so hard that when it came out it made a loud popping noise.

I wonder how long this song will be stuck in my head now....

I will have you, yes I will have you

I will find a way and I will have you

Like a butterfly, a wild butterfly

I will collect you and capture you