The grass isn't always greener...

I'm going to pull a Michael Jordan and bring this blog back out of retirement. My apologies. I thought I wanted a shiny new blog, "Sentimental Mom Blog." I had good intentions and big plans one day. Of course, that was a long, long time ago in mothering minutes. Gone are my big aspirations for my mommy blog. Back is my love for all my previous posts and comments. I regret breaking up my previous blog thread. JockMomma represents my first year as a mother and I want to build upon  those memories.

Right now, I've abandoned my children to the bonus room. Both have electronic devices. Both are stark naked after having run through the sprinklers this morning. It is the unofficial start to summer. Their mother's day out program ended last week. We have about 100 uninterrupted days together. SMILE. I am equal parts terrified and excited at the prospect of having no school all summer. I'm sure  most parents can agree.

Life is N-U-T-S with two kids this young and close in age. I abandoned my blog for almost the first two years of my younger child's life. It was THAT hard. Mostly because the 2nd child was 1,000% more difficult than my first. Some call it the "2nd child syndrome." She has beaten me psychologically, emotionally, mentally and physically many a day. Many a day...Woe to us when she enters adolescence and woe to any man who ends up marrying her. Love you CeCe! More posts (and therapist conversations) about her later.

The minions are stirring, got to go.

Moving This Blog...Follow me!

I've decided to start a new mommy blog for lots of reasons:

• I can hardly claim jock mom status anymore...
• we welcomed our second child back in September, a sweet and sassy girl and I want a new blog to reflect our family and 
• this blog is tied to an old gmail address of mine and for some INSANE reason Blogger will not allow you to transfer blogs from one account to another.

Since I was 12, I have kept a journal, recording my every secret thought and desire.  Starting this mommy blog has been a fun experience for me. First, it's a great way to share all of the ups and down of becoming a parent with your "real" and "cyber" friends. Second, I always enjoy practicing writing and story telling and it makes me happy when people tell me they enjoy my stories. Thirdly, since I don't scrapbook or maintain any baby books, this blog has been a good way to keep track of my baby's milestones.  Finally, I have enjoyed connecting with other mom bloggers primarily through SocialMoms.net.  You read that one of the biggest rewards of blogging is forming new relationships. Whether you are a SAHM, WAHM, or a working mother, we become so busy taking care of our little ones that we easily become isolated from our friends and those who can relate to our new realities. It's remarkable when a stranger (and not your grandmother) comments on your most recent blog post and a nice reminder that we all have something important to say.  

I invite you to follow my new blog, My Mom Michelle (that's me!) over at www.mymommichelle.blogspot.com. 

Put on Bed Rest for Pregnancy

As of today, I have been put on bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy.  It wasn't a total shock.  We knew there was an "issue" that we were actively monitoring, but we weren't necessarily expecting bed rest so quickly.  I am only 27 weeks along.  The baby is fully developed at this point, but she needs the extra time to develop her organs and gain weight.  She is roughly 2 pounds 4 ounces and is doing fine right now.

The "issue" is a growing hemorrhage at the insertion point of the umbilical cord into the placenta.  The hemorrhage occurred as the cord developed.  It was initially noticed on my 20week ultrasound, but it didn't become an "issue" until my ultrasound during week 24.  The hemorrhage has been described as a big bruise on the placenta. Based on its location (right at the insertion point), it can put pressure on the cord and affect blood/oxygen flow to the baby as/when it grows.  During my 27thweek ultrasound, they also found a resisted blood flow to the baby; this development is new and another reason I'm now on bed rest.

Nothing could have prevented the hemorrhage from happening.  My lifestyle or activity level didn't cause it.  It just happened.  I've learned that pregnancy and having babies really is a miracle and out of our control for the most part.  You just have to learn to deal with whatever happens.

My specialist is Tennessee Maternal Fetal Medicine.  They deal with high risk patients all of time and see this issue on a regular basis.  I also consulted with them during our last pregnancy loss.  They have been great to work with so far.  I will have (at least) a weekly ultrasound and they will also measure the blood flow from the cord to placenta and in baby's brain. They also gave me two steroid injections to help prepare baby's lungs in case of a premature delivery.  I'll still do all of my normal OBGYN stuff with Dr. Amanda Barrett, whom I love. She has been a great support during all of my pregnancy trials.  If the "issue" worsens, I will be hospitalized for bed rest and increased fetal monitoring. In the hospital, I would have daily ultrasounds and twice daily stress tests for baby.

I found a great article online, "A Primer on Premies" that describes the five most common medical ailments of premature babies. I found it informative and thought others may, too.  It's my understanding that nearly any baby born before 36 weeks will need some time in the NICU. But, my doctor said that I will be pleasantly surprised with how well baby could be if we can keep her in as long as possible.  And, Baptist has a tremendous amount of resources to treat premature babies, so I am confident that all will be done that can be done. We know some friends who've had premies that led to healthy babies. I'd love to hear from you if you had a really early delivery.

The drudgery of bed rest is unappetizing. I can only get up to use the rest room, take a shower once daily, and fix a quick sandwich.  I have a good chance of gaining a lot of weight. Thankfully, I have a contract with the University of Tennessee that I can work on from my computer.  Otherwise, insanity may be at my door and quickly....or a large online shopping bill.

I worry about J. While we have day care for JT covered through next week already (what a blessing!), he will have to bear the entire burden of watching him, cooking and cleaning on a reduced work schedule. I know he'll do a great job, but I worry about the extra stress as we want to avoid premature labor as long as possible.

I miss my health insurance policy with the State of Tennessee.  We paid $100 for all of my prenatal care and delivery.  $100!  It was an unbelievably generous policy and has unsurprisingly become less generous over the last year.  We'll easily pay $1,000-$3,000 for out-of-pocket expenses and co-payments with our new insurance.  If anyone has experience or knows how much NICU costs, I'd love to hear from you.  My sister-in-law just told me that my insurance may help with costs associated with bed rest, e.g., paying babysitters.  I'm definitely going to look that up and call them tomorrow.

If you have any experience with premies, I'd love to hear from you. Learning from others' experiences is a great way for us to understand what we are in for and prepare as best as we can.  Trying to manage the unknown is the most stressful part of this experience. I will have a lot of time on my hands, so feel free to call. We also won't turn down any offers to bring over dinner, fruit (and other healthy snacks to avoid obesity), TV show dvd series or hanging out with JT for an hour of two.  But, if life's too hectic, and I know how it is, just pray for us and baby Caroline (her name for now!); that she has the best outcome possible; comes into this world as healthy as possible; and helps us deal with whatever comes our way.

OMG! We're having a girl!

We recently found out that "Happy," the current name for our unborn child, is a girl. Those four letters (g-i-r-l) scare the heck out of me. I am more relaxed with boys given my tomboy nature and general lack of fru-fru-ness. I get acid reflex just thinking about the possibility of raising a cheerleader. Ugh.

I also feel a greater responsibility having to bring up a girl in today's society. Even with the career, political and societal accomplishments of women over the last fifty years, we are endlessly bombarded with negative messages affecting our self-image. Not only do I have to interpret the outside messages reaching my daughter, but I also have to be aware of the image that I portray to her on a daily basis. The latter is much more daunting.

To make myself feel better, I find myself trying to fixate on a smaller, more conquerable problem within this larger issue. This exercise led me to Barbie. I never really played with Barbies. They weren't of much interest to me, so I cannot claim firsthand knowledge of their positive or negative impact. I find Barbie's figure to be quasi-vulgar for little girls. It’s kind of ironic that the original Barbie’s appearance was inspired by a German prostitute. I doubt Mattel will be issuing a retro hooker Barbie anytime soon. When I see little girls playing with naked Barbies, I get the same queasy feeling when I see a toddler girl in a bikini. On the positive side, I like that Barbie has excelled in many professions. But, if I want to show my daughter that she can be anything she wants to be in life like a doctor or an engineer I don’t need Barbie for that. I can take her to see my friends Kayla and Mindy. The idea of Barbie as a professional role model is obsolete for my family, because I can show her real women with the same accomplishments.

During my mental debate, I sought the “internets” to learn more about the potential impact of little girls playing with Barbies. The best article I read was from a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. You can read it here. The author doesn’t single out Barbie as a primary offender but rather an accomplice in our culture’s distorted depiction of women that leads to negative body image in girls as early as five years old. Thankfully, the author says that parents have more influence than passive media messages and can help foster positive self-images for our little girls.

So, will I ban Barbie from our house? No, but I will, however, monitor how both my children play with their toys to express their thoughts. And, please don’t buy her a Barbie.

Why Cartoons Stink and my beef with Minnie Mouse

If you have young children, you probably end up watching your fair share of cartoons on Disney, PBS, Cartoon Network, etc. My husband indoctrinated our son into a morning cartoon routine several months ago. Even though the American Pediatrics Association doesn’t recommend any screen time for children under the age of two, I haven’t made it an “issue,” because our son isn’t very interested in tv. He likes the opening song to Mickey Mouse Club and the closing Hot Dog Dance. He tunes out everything in between. My problem is that I end up watching the entire episode instead of my son and the cartoons are driving me mad. Here are my three top complaints about the shows we “watch”:

1) The out of touch female roles in Mickey Mouse Club

Is there anything more stomach churning to a feminist than Minnie Mouse? Where is her substance? She teaches boys and girl viewers that girls should always be polite; that it’s important to coordinate hair accessories with clothing; women (even little girls) wear high heels; and they must carry on traditional female roles. One of her favorite hobbies is to bake! I love the idea of involving children in cooking but not because it enables you to become the ultimate people pleaser. Daisy is essentially Minnie’s copycat flunkie. Clarabelle, a cow, is a newer character and is Goofy’s unspoken love interest. The fact that all of the girl characters are assumed to be “betrothed” to a male character is out of line, but it is interesting that Disney decided to pair Goofy, a dog, with a cow. The final straw is that Clarabelle is a skinny cow. She is so skinny that a veterinarian would probably find it more humane to euthanize her if she were a real cow. Instead of creating a cow that is of normal weight, they make her skinny because she is a girl?

2) Inaccurate representation of capitalism in Handy Manny

If you have ever watched Handy Manny, you know that Manny goes to Kelly’s hardware store to buy supplies for every repair. One of the things I like best about Handy Manny is that it features small business owners and their social contributions in a town. What irks me most is that no one ever pays for anything! If Manny goes into Kelly’s hardware store to buy nuts and bolts, then viewers need to see him pay for those items with dollars! This is a very teachable moment about the use of money in our society. Why does Disney chose to avoid this conversation with children?

3) Little Einstein’s was created by pretentious intellectuals

Every episode of Little Einstein’s teaches viewers about significant artwork and classical music. I used to think this was a worthwhile endeavor. After a handful of episodes, though, you realize that the concept is too forced when the kids are trying to rhyme “ancient African pottery” with the tenth symphony by Dimitri Shostakovich.” Many toddlers cannot pronounce their “r’s”. Who is this show really for?

Are there any cartoons that leave you questioning what our society is trying to teach our children? Or, any shows that just drive you bonkers? I’d love to hear from you.

Life. It Happens

I've been away for a while.  My absence could have signaled the death of this blog like so many other blogs I've started.  But, this blog is different.  What happened, you ask?  Well, we moved. Then we moved again.  And, I worked on my first big contract.  Oh yeah, I also got pregnant!  We are finally getting settled into our new house and are waiting on our baby girl to arrive in mid-October.  2011 is going to be quite an exciting year.

First a Baby, then a Business

My son is now one year old!  That's also the amount of time that I've been out of the workforce.  I have been calling this time my "family sabbatical".  Like the outcome of many work-related sabbaticals, I have launched a business during mine.  For whatever reason(s), when you leave the workforce, you begin to wrestle with big life questions, like "what do I really want in my career."  For me, something had to be very important to me in order to compete with time with my son.  If you can afford it, it's liberating to allocate true value of your time versus what a company tells you your worth.  I was also motivated to start a business, because I grew very tired of not having a response to the question "What do you do?"  People, men and women, minimize your worth the second you say "I stay at home with my kid(s)."

Like many others who have been out of the workforce for a while, albeit voluntarily or involuntarily, you begin to interview yourself. What are my skills? Who needs these skills?  Very quickly, you also recognize what the market says you are worth.  From there, a series of calculations are made based on your own personal skills, network, guts and insanity.  If you are like me, at the end of all the number crunching and emotional wrangling, you decide to start a business.

Three things happened to me that finally prompted me to jump in:

1.  I got jealous.
During a much needed girls weekend last Fall, my friend SHOCKED me by telling me how well ($$$) her business was doing after only four years.  Granted, she is brilliant and extremely self-motivated, but it was somewhat of an ego crusher to compare my former career salary after seven years to her entrepreneur earnings after four.  My maternal instinct was overtaken by my competitive spirit for the first time since the arrival of our son.

2.  I got bored, really bored.
This one is easy to understand.  After working for seven years and being busy since forever, it was extremely hard to face a daily to-do list of emptying the dishwasher, laundry and tv viewing.  So, I hired a cleaning lady, chucked the laundry and divorced live tv.  My neighbors rejoiced, too.  They were beginning to give me the "go away, you stalker lady" look.

3.  Opportunity came knocking.
I was fortunate to be "hunted" versus "hunting" work, thanks to my social network.  I received a contract from someone who saw my LinkedIn profile status that I had posted six months earlier.  The status said that I'd be looking for short-term engagements in February and they contacted me in January.  That was the final kick in the behind I needed to start my business.

It turns out that I'm getting used to this whole birthing thing.  First a baby, then a business.  I'd love to hear from other moms with similar experiences.