New Project

Well, it's been a while since I last wrote. I believe that if I leave this blog for purely academic/philosophical arguments, I will not be using it very much. I am, in fact, philosophical only about 25% of the time.

So, I am christening this blog to be my journal over the next 365 days or so as I journey into new motherhood. I am pregnant (currently 30 weeks) with our first boy - due Feb. 17. We have had a difficult time staying pregnant; this is our third time around. So, I'm not your typical first-time mom. I lack the innocent joy associated with being pregnant. What a depressing thing to say? Don't get me wrong; I am VERY excited to be having a baby and I wish he would get here tomorrow safe and sound. But, after you've experienced loss with multiple pregnancies, it feels like you won't be able to breathe until the baby actually gets here. I've been protecting myself from feeling too much, I think - I've disassociated myself as much as I could in order to keep my sanity. And, I think that's a sane thing to do.

Anyway, as I am nearing our target date of February 17th, the reality of how much my life is going to change is coming over me in waves. Not only am I going to become a mom and J and I are going to start our own family, but I am also taking an extended leave of absence from work (unbeknownst to my co-workers - not my bosses). That, in and of itself, is quite unsettling. I can't picture myself without this career identity.

I thought this online journal would be a good exercise to document my baby's first year, my transformation into a Mom and the journey into the unknown as a "stay at home" person. Am I going to find my calling during this year? Will I love being a mother so much that I become super MOM; will I dream up a new small business; will I uncover a deep seeded dream and pursue another career; will I lose all of this baby weight (and a few more pounds); or, will I watch daytime television faithfully and gain an additional 15 pounds? I'm excited, thrilled and terrified. It might be the trifecta of a good story. We'll see.